


A Phoenix & Her Fire

by ryleem



Category: Riverdale - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-05-04 11:36:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14592183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryleem/pseuds/ryleem
Summary: Everything in Cheryl’s life seems to be falling apart and she aches to be reunited with JayJay. She’s strong but everyone has a breaking point.





	1. Chapter 1

Cheryl’s fist hits the ice again causing a slight crack but not enough to break it. She lets out a huff of anger and tries once more, determined to break through and plunge into the icy depths of Sweetwater River. Tears stream down her face and freeze to her cheeks in the cold weather. Every inch of her feels numb and frozen but she’s determined to be reunited with JayJay. Her knuckles are starting to bleed as she hits the frozen river again creating another satisfying crack. She hears a faint noise in the distance almost like her name being called, a sob shakes her body as she tries to push away the illusion. It’s not as if anyone would come to save her. But she hears it again and reluctantly lifts her head, a wave of panic hits her when she sees Veronica standing at the edge of the river with Betty, Jughead and Archie behind her. 

“Cheryl.” Veronica calls again “just come to the shore and we’ll figure this out together okay? Please” 

Cheryl pauses for a second, she knows Veronica cares about her after all that’s why Cheryl texted her goodbye. But the others haven’t shown an inch of caring about her ever and she’s fairly certain Veronica Lodge of all people isn’t going to miss her one bit. Cheryl chokes out another sob as she’s hit with a wave of pain at the thought of Toni, her girl. She lurches forward gulping for air and trying to push her sobs away, her hand smacks the ice hard and she wishes for once things could make sense. The ice unexpectedly caves in under her and she lets out a strained scream as she drops into the icy water below. Her lungs fill with water instantly and for a second it almost feels nice to lose control. Her eyes fly open and maybe it’s just a hallucination but Jason’s body is suddenly reaching out to her. Cheryl’s arms and legs flail in attempt to move away from him which only pushes her further into the current.

Archie is pushing past Veronica and running across the ice the second Cheryl’s body drops into the water. Veronica panics and follows right on his heels, when she reaches Archie he’s frantically sweeping away snow attempting to find where Cheryl is now. He swears and keeps moving around desperate to save the redhead.

“Archie. Here” Veronica yells panicked and within seconds he’s kneeling down smashing the ice above Cheryl and pulling her up. His fist is bleeding heavily but he lifts the soaking Vixen in his arms and stumbles back to the shore. Archie lays Cheryl down and desperately attempts to get her to cough up the water she’s inhaled. Veronica swears while struggling to dial 911 with her frozen fingers which causes Betty to rush to her side and help.

When the group stumbles into the ER in a panic the nurses waste no time in rushing Cheryl to the back. There’s chaos and yelling all over and Veronica stumbles over to a chair trying to take deep breaths. “Someone- someone needs-“ she tries to force out.

“Shh breathe, what is it V?” Betty asks, walking over and soothingly rubbing circles into her best friend’s shoulder. 

Veronica lets out another shaky breath “call Toni, she- she needs to be here”

“Shit. Shit. Shit.” Jughead curses while fishing in his pocket for his phone. “Why didn’t we immediately think of that oh god. I’m on it guys” he punches in her contact and lifts his phone to his ear. The phone rings three agonizingly long times before she picks up. 

“Jones!! You know I’m on shift right? To what do I owe the pleasure?” her voice cheerfully answers.

Jughead swallows the lump in his throat and says slowly “don’t freak out. But we’re at the hospital and you need to get here right away.”

Toni’s heart race increases as her eyes roam the Whyte Wyrm trying to figure out if any of her serpent family is missing. And then it hits her. “Oh god. Fuck. Tell me it isn’t Cheryl. It’s not her right?” She says frantically, already reaching for her bag and motorcycle keys. Jughead is silent on the other end. “JONES. What the fuck? It’s not her right? Fangs was just messing around again and and...” she trails off as she spots Fangs near the bar, her breathing starts to get harsher.

“Toni... I’m sorry.” He chokes out “just hurry okay? She’s in emergency”. Toni hangs up and throws her phone in her bag while sprinting across the parking lot to her bike.

Toni runs through the door of the ER with such force she practically knocks over the young nurse in the way but swerves around her at the last second. “What happened? Who the fuck hurt her? Who did this?” 

“Toni...sit down” Veronica says gently while walking over and guiding the pink haired girl into a seat. She kneels in front and looks up at her.

“Just fucking tell me so I can go after whoever the fuck touched her” she says, she’s visibly shaking and Veronica lays a hand on her knee trying to calm her.

“She- uhm... Toni we found her at Sweetwater River, she was on the ice trying to break through...” 

“I... I don’t understand”

“She was trying to drown herself... she said she wanted to be with Jason again.” Veronica says, her voice cracking mid sentence. 

Toni freezes, her vision going fuzzy and her head spinning. She grips the arm of the seat and can feel herself shaking harder, she lets out a soft whimper since she’s unable to talk. Veronica stands abruptly, steadying Toni as she sways forward. “Breathe. Shhh. Betty can you get some water? Toni hey hey listen to me. Take a deep breath” she soothes. 

“Did- did they say what’s going on right now?” Toni stutters over each word and then looks up at the four expectantly and reaches for the water from Betty.

“They’re trying to stabilize her” Archie says.

“What the fuck does that mean?” Toni bites back. 

“Her breathing and vitals I guess” Archie breaks off, swallowing hard. “She ingested a lot of water. I tried...oh god Toni I tried to get her to cough it all up but she was unconscious almost immediately after coughing up the first bit and she was so cold. She was barley breathing when we got her here.” 

Toni’s head starts to spin again and she falls back in her seat, Veronica grabs the water from her placing it down and moving closer to the serpent. Toni whimpers louder this time and soon she’s choking out sobs and pushing past Veronica to get to the trash can. Despite there being barley anything in her stomach she throws up and grips the sides so tightly her knuckles turn white. Veronica is beside her again within seconds, and despite not having a very close relationship with the raven haired girl she turns and sinks into her shoulder. Veronica rubs up and down her arm trying to soothe the serpent as her sobs shake her whole body. “I can’t lose her...” Toni mumbles through her sobs.

Veronica lays her head on top of Toni’s and hugs her a bit tighter “I know...” she replies gently. “But she’s a fighter, always has been”. Toni nods slightly in agreement and stays pressed to Veronica desperately trying to find any sort of comfort and hope she can in the situation. 

“Is there an Antoinette Topaz here?” A nurse calls out, Toni lifts her head and attempts to stand up but she stumbles into the wall and steadies herself against it.

“Here, I’m here” she says, wiping at her face trying to clear the tear stains. “What is it? Can I see her?” 

The nurse sighs and says “Not yet. But you’re listed as Miss Blossom’s emergency contact and we just needed to make sure you’re here. Are you a blood relative?” 

“No. I’m her girlfriend actually”

“I see. Well usually we ask for a family member to-“

“Ma’am I assure you that you’re looking at her family right here. If I’m her contact why does it matter?” Toni cuts in, her eyes shooting daggers at the nurse.

“It’s just I’ve never dealt with a case that wasn’t a fami- or uhm relative. But I suppose you’re right. We will notify you when Miss Blossom is in a condition that allows visitors” she nods and walks away briskly as she jots down something on her clip board. Toni leans heavily on the wall and closes her eyes, a sigh shakily escapes her lips. 

“Toni?” She hears Betty’s soft voice. “Do you maybe want to go home and change? We could grab some food too.” 

“No” she snaps, the word coming out harsher than she meant. “I’m not leaving her.” Toni’s eyes flicker open, making contact with the blonde

“I.. I know you don’t want to. But Cheryl needs you to have your strength. Atleast come put on something warmer you look like you’re freezing.” 

“Betty. The only one I’m worried about right now is Cheryl. I’m fine” 

“Atleast let the boys go get some coffee and maybe Betty or I can run and get you a sweater” Veronica pipes in. 

“C’mon Topaz, you know Cheryl will kill us all if we don’t at least try to take care of you” Jughead says, stepping closer to Toni.

Toni lets out a snort “yeah whatever Jones” 

“She really loves you ya know? I don’t think I’ve seen her as happy as she is with you since before Jason died. Even then, I think you bring a light to her she’s been missing for a long time” he says, smiling softly at her.

“Yeah... I know” Toni replies as she fights back her tears “I love her too” 

It seems like hours pass before any of them hear anything, Veronica is drifting off laying on Betty’s shoulder and Betty is mindlessly scrolling through her social media when the nurse walks out. She eyes Toni and strides up to her. “Miss Blossom can have visitors now. Room C-141. They’ve managed to stabilize her and get all the water out of her lungs. She should wake up soon.” 

Toni is already out of her seat and hurriedly walking down the hallway, the nurse is trying to catch-up with her but gives up after a few more strides and turns back to the main desk. 

Toni’s heart just about stops when she walks in and see’s Cheryl with her fiery hair splayed across the bed and a fresh cut trailing from her chin down her neck. Toni marvels at how Cheryl still somehow looks effortlessly beautiful even when hooked up to an oxygen machine. If she’s being honest with herself she expected to be angry. Angry with Cheryl for thinking she could leave this world and Toni behind, angry that Cheryl doesn’t realize her own strength but mostly angry at herself for letting Cheryl get to this point. Instead her heart shatters when she see’s Cheryl lying there with her chest softly rising and falling. She pulls up a chair and reaches for the redhead’s hand. For a moment she doesn’t know what to say, she just takes in the fact that her girl is breathing and alive.

“I’m sorry... Cher I’m so sorry. I- I should have known I should have been there. I don’t know how I’ll forgive myself for this. But I’m not leaving your side.” She says softly, fighting back yet another wave of tears and running her thumb over Cheryl’s bruised knuckles. “You know.. that first day we met at the drag race I really wasn’t sure what to think of you. I mean you strode up there acting like you owned the place and to be honest I’m not sure if my initial reaction was to kiss you or to deck you.” a sad laugh falls from her lips. “And when I showed up at Riverdale High I knew you’d either be hell to deal with or the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” she pauses and looks up at Cheryl. A small smile pulls at Toni’s lips. “But who knew I’d fall so hopelessly in love with a Northside princess?” Toni moves closer to the bed, resting her head beside Cheryl’s arm and pressing a gentle kiss to it. “God. I love you so much Blossom. So so much” Toni mumbles against her as her tears flow freely now. “Please wake up soon. Open those pretty brown eyes so I know you’re safe and sound” she presses into Cheryl’s side trying to breathe in her scent for comfort but it’s all been washed away by the river and masked by the hospital. A sob unexpectedly shakes through her body and she tries to calm herself by taking a deep breath. All she wants right now is for Cheryl to be safe and in her arms. “Please come back to me baby”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cheryl is still in the hospital & Toni ain’t taking shit from the doctor.

Veronica peaks into the hospital room tentatively, careful to make sure she’s not walking in to Toni having a moment with Cheryl. When she see’s her leaning on the bed carefully with Cheryl’s hand in her’s she walks slowly over to the bedside. Toni turns her head towards Veronica as the raven haired girl’s gaze falls on Cheryl. There’s something in her eyes Toni can’t quite place. Maybe sadness? Or regret? Or maybe something deeper. She’s about to question Veronica about it when she hears her phone vibrate in her bag. She fishes it out and eyes the contact quickly before picking up. 

“I’ve been trying to contact you for hours. Why the hell did you rush out of here so fast without so much as an acknowledgment?” Sweetpea’s words may not be full of concern but she can hear it in his voice. Toni’s silent on her end, not knowing how to put the situation into words. “Toni? Seriously what’s up?” 

“Ch.. Cheryl’s in th- the hospital.” she says slowly.

“Oh god Toni... what happened? Is she okay?” her best friend asks, his voice softening immediately.

“I don’t know. she... fell through the ice at Sweetwater River” she feels Veronica’s hand land on her shoulder. “I- I can’t talk now I’ll call you soon.” she hangs up abruptly and drops her phone onto the table. The machine beside Cheryl suddenly starts to beep louder and more frequently and Toni is yelling for a nurse before she can even comprehend what’s happening. A nurse rushes in seconds later over to Cheryl’s side and starts adjusting things. She looks concerned and Toni’s heart rate increases as she stands up from her chair. 

“What? What’s wrong?“ Toni says trying to keep her voice steady 

The nurse shakes her head “I- I don’t know something with her breathing....”

“Her breathing? Is she having trouble?” The nurse is tight lipped looking at the machine. “DON’T JUST STAND THERE HELP HER” Toni is screaming by now and tears are streaming down her face. Veronica has an arm around her waist and is pulling her away from Cheryl and into the hallway trying to calm her as a doctor and another nurse run into Cheryl’s room. “Get your fucking hands off me Lodge” she says hysterically while fighting for breath. Veronica ignores her and pulls her in tighter and Toni not having the energy to fight her falls into the embrace. “Why isn’t she awake? I need her to wake up I need I need...” 

“Shh. Shhh. I know. I know.” Veronica soothes keeping her hand steady on Toni’s back.

“Excuse me? I’m looking for an Antionette Topaz?” A voice says from the left of the two embraced girls. 

“Hmm?” Toni says pulling away from Veronica and hastily wiping at her eyes. “What’s happening?”

“Just a minor shift in her breathing. Cheryl is fine. I’m Dr Shapiro.” The man says, holding out his hand.

“Minor? I heard that machine go off. If you want me to be friendly doctor then I suggest you tell me what the hell is going on” Toni snaps not bothering to shake his hand.

The doctor eyes her, his mouth set in a firm line. “Why don’t you come with me?” 

Toni looks between the doctor and Cheryl’s room. “I’ll stay with her. Go, it’s okay” Veronica says, rubbing Toni’s arm and slipping by her to the room. 

Toni follows the doctor to his office and sits down on the edge of a seat when he offers. “Will she wake up soon?” Toni asks and looks up at him expectantly. 

“You don’t waste a moment do you?” He asks as he sets down his file and sits down. 

“Not when my girlfriend’s life is on the line”

Shapiro nods and looks at Toni. “She should wake up soon but her body is still trying to adjust. It’s my understanding that Cheryl was attempting to take her own life?” he questions. Toni freezes for a moment like the shock of that is just hitting her. Take her own life. He had put it so nonchalant. She nods slowly. 

“In that case she’ll be put on suicide watch which is a minimum 72 hour hold period.” Toni nods again and shifts in her seat. “We also need to run some tests on her. In cases of near-drowning there are complications that can come up.” the doctor continues.

“What kind of complications are we speaking of?” 

“Well for starters she had hypothermia when she came in. Another common risk is pneumonia which in severe cases can lead to acute respiratory distress syndrome. Or what we call A-R-D-S” he pronounces each letter slowly like he’s trying to burn it into her brain. Toni raises her eyebrows. She’s not sure if this man assumes she knows what that means but she’s completely lost. Luckily he picks up on her confusion quickly, “In short it’s an accumulation of fluid in the lungs which prevents them from filling with enough air. A more intense version of pneumonia.”

“Is it likely she has that?” Toni asks immediately 

“It’s uncommon, but her breathing patterns are a warning sign that something is off and I’d like to do some more tests as a precaution.” 

“So where do we go from here?”

“When she wakes up we will send her for some scans and other tests. So for now we wait.” he clicks his pen and writes something into Cheryl’s file. 

“That’s it?” Toni scoffs.

“Miss Topaz... we will monitor her to make sure she’s okay. But I cannot do anything else for your friend right now.” he says slowly.

“Girlfriend.” She says sternly and then gets up to leave.

“Take care of yourself. I’ll be in touch” he calls as she enters back into the hallway. She lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding and heads back to Cheryl.   
Veronica is sitting in the chair next to Cheryl lost in thought, she looks up when Toni enters. “You can head home, I’ve got this” Toni tells the other girl.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay? What did the doctor say?” 

“Essentially nothing helpful. We just wait until she wakes up I guess.” Toni replies running a hand through her hair.

“Toni why don’t you come get some rest and we can come back in the morning.” Veronica says gently.

“I don’t want her to be alone when she wakes up. I’ll be okay.” Toni’s focus is fully on Cheryl again and she takes a moment to make sure she’s still breathing softly. 

“Okay but I’ll be here first thing in the morning” Toni smiles at the other girl in response and drops into the seat when she leaves. She figures she should call SweetPea back and explain what’s going on but as soon as she reaches for her phone Cheryl shifts and her eyes flutter open. 

“Cher?” Toni says her name gently and Cheryl turns her head towards the noise. She looks confused as she stares into Toni’s eyes. 

“Wh- where are we? What’s happening? I want to go home.” Cheryl stutters out, her voice sounding strained. 

“Shh babygirl you’re safe. Take a deep breath” Toni soothes gently as she reaches to stroke Cheryl’s cheek. When she touches her cheek it’s hot and she makes a note to let the doctor know.

“I.. I just remember being at the river and then... oh...” she winces in pain and then trails off 

“Cher shh don’t talk okay, I’ll get the doctor right away. You fell through the ice but it’s gonna be okay.” Cheryl starts to cough violently and Toni is quick to press the call button for the nurse. When she turns back to Cheryl she looks like she’s about to vomit and Toni tries to get the garbage can to her in time but it happens too quickly. Cheryl’s coughing harder now and squeezing her eyes shut in pain. She’s gasping for breath and Toni clicks the call button again trying not to panic. She pulls tissue from the bedside table and tries to clean Cheryl’s face. A nurse runs in and rushes to Cheryl quickly. When another nurse rushes in Toni figures it’s best just to let them have space so she backs away from the bed but keeps herself in eye sight of Cheryl. They strip the blankets off the bed and one of the nurses is sent for a new hospital gown. Toni hears Cheryl cough again and some liquid spills from her lips. 

Seeing Cheryl like this breaks Toni’s heart. It’s such a contrast to her usual fiery strong self. I mean sure Toni has seen her break down multiple times and has held her through the after shocks of countless nightmares, but this was a different kind of ache. Toni is lost in a trance and only blinks out of it when the doctor is calling her name. “Hmm?” 

“We’re going to wait until morning to run some tests on Cheryl. For now I’m going to see if I can get her some pain killers and maybe something for the cough” Shapiro tells her, she nods her head.

“I’ll be here. I think she might have a fever too” Toni says 

“Yes that’s not uncommon” he replies unfazed and then turns to leave the room briskly. Toni walks back over to Cheryl and settles herself in the chair. She reaches for her hand and squeezes it gently and Cheryl turns her head towards Toni. Their eyes lock to one another and Toni can see the pain her girl is trying to hide. 

“We will get past this together okay?” Toni assures her softly and rubs her thumb over Cheryl’s hand. Cheryl tries to reach out to touch Toni’s face but she flinches in pain and drops her hand. Tears are forming at the edges of her eyes and they fall down her face when she blinks. Toni leans in and kisses them away gently and then presses a kiss between Cheryl’s eyes. A nurse walks in holding some pills and waits to make sure Cheryl takes them all. When she’s gone Toni stands beside Cheryl and tucks her hair behind her ear. “Try and get some sleep love” she says softly. She see’s Cheryl try to shift over in bed and when she lets out a weak cry of pain Toni tries to settle her. “What is it? Are you okay?” 

“I- I just want... I just want you to hold me.” Cheryl says as her voice cracks. She tries to move herself over again to give Toni space but her arms are starting to shake so she collapses back onto the mattress.

“Don’t move Cher you’re gonna hurt yourself. I know I can’t be as close as you want but I’m still right here” Toni moves her hand and slips it under Cheryl’s back trying to rub gentle circles into it. Cheryl relaxes at her touch and a soft whimper falls from her lips. “Shh, shh” Toni soothes gently. Toni pulls the chair closer with her foot and sits down in it, she rests her head on the bed and tries to hold Cheryl the best she can. After a couple more minutes of rubbing Cheryl’s back and soothing her she falls asleep and Toni smiles sadly. “It’s gonna be okay” she says unsure if she’s trying to convince herself or Cheryl more.


	3. Chapter 3

Toni groans when she feels a hand shake her shoulder gently. She blinks rapidly trying to push the drowsiness away, she must have fallen asleep against Cheryl. 

“Topaaaz wake up!” SweetPea says, she shakes her head and turns to look at him.

“What time is it?” She asks groggily 

“Mm like 9:30? I’ve been sent by a higher power to make sure you come home to change and we get some breakfast in you” 

“Let me guess, a fellow beanie wearing serpent?” Toni asks.

“His girlfriend surprisingly enough. Ponytail Betty said she’s worried about you”

Toni lets out a laugh which turns into a snort. “Oh my god - Pea you did not just call her that.”

“So what if I did? C’mon I’m starving” he says as he motions for her to follow him. Toni’s eyes shift to Cheryl who’s still sleeping but shifting slightly. Toni reaches out and tucks a stray strand of her fiery hair behind her ear. A quiet sigh falls from her lips. “I know you don’t want to leave her. But we’ll be back soon” SweetPea says gently from beside Toni.

“Toni...” she hears a voice from the door and lifts her head to see Betty. “I talked to the doctor and he said Cheryl is going to be in tests and scans for most of the day. They’re going to call with any updates.” 

“How did you get that infor... oh right, cousin perks” she says fitting the pieces together. “Thanks Betty”. Toni leans over to press a kiss to Cheryl’s head and she lets her hand rest on her cheek for a moment. She can’t wait until she can hold Cheryl in her arms again and kiss her as hard as she can. “I’ll be back soon. Promise” she mumbles against her forehead. She reluctantly pulls away from Cheryl and trudges out of the room after SweetPea.

After going back to Toni’s trailer the pair find themselves tucked into a booth at Pop’s with Fangs stretched on the other side. When Pop comes to take their order he looks at Toni with a quizzical expression. “Not the usual duo, no Cheryl today?” he asks kindly. Toni swallows hard and shakes her head.

“No she uhm... isn’t too well at the moment” Toni says trying to keep her voice steady. 

Pop nods, “well send her my best, what can I get you guys?” The boys both order big breakfast meals but Toni settles for just a cup of coffee.

“Can you bring her some fries or something too?” SweetPea juts in before Pop leaves, he jots it down on his pad of paper and makes his way to the back. “You’re not hungry, I know. But you need to eat.” SweetPea says before Toni can protest. He falls back to rest on the booth. Toni huffs in response and circles her spoon in her coffee trying to dissolve the sugar cubes. 

“You ever feel like your world is collapsing in on you?” Toni asks to no one in particular as she stares into her coffee.

“Well... one time I built a blanket fort and it collapsed while I was in it so I guess?” Fangs says. Toni can’t help but let out a soft laugh at that, her shoulders shaking slightly. 

“You really love her, don’t you?” Fangs asks, his tone changing to a more serious one. 

“More than anything” Toni says with a sad smile as she lifts her head to look at Fangs. “She’s my world”

“Then your world isn’t gonna collapse in is it? From what I’ve heard your girl is quite a fighter.” Fangs tells her. He reaches across the table to grab her hand and give it a reassuring squeeze.

“Wait hold on I just got a brilliant idea.” SweetPea says as he sits up from his relaxed position. Both Fangs and Toni turn their attention to him and lift their eyebrows. Toni picks up her coffee to take a sip while she listens. “When Toni and Cheryl get married they can combine their last names instead of having to choose one. It can be ... Blopaz...” He has a huge grin on his face and Toni just about spits her coffee out at the name suggestion. When SweetPea starts giggling like a schoolgirl Toni can’t help but laugh along with him.

“Oh my goooood” Fangs groans as he shakes his head but a smile is pasted on his face.

“I feel like Bombshell would have slapped me for that one. And damn that girl can be rough” SweetPea says once his laughter has calmed down. 

“Rough? You don’t even know the half of it” Toni responds playfully and then takes another sip of her coffee. 

“Antoinette Topaz just what are you trying to say?” SweetPea asks as he side eyes his best friend. 

“Oh look food’s here” she replies turning her attention to the plate of fries set in front of her. The trio fall into a comfortable silence as they dig into their food. A sense of peace falls over the group until it’s broken by the sound of Toni’s phone ringing.

“Hello, Miss Topaz? It’s Doctor Shapiro here” he says in a even toned voice 

“What’s up? I thought Cheryl was going to be in tests for most of the day” she questions

“Well just the morning actually. We managed to get them done fairly quickly and I’m just looking over the results now.”

“Is everything okay?” Toni asks as she feels the panic in her rising again.

“I’d like you to come down here and we can discuss things.” He responds. Toni starts to get up from the booth assuring the doctor she’s on her way before hanging up. 

“What’s up?” Fangs asks as Toni gathers her things. 

“The doctor needs me. I gotta go, thank you guys” she rushes out of Pop’s and heads in the direction of the hospital cursing herself for not bringing her motorcycle. 

When Toni arrives at the hospital she’s out of breath and takes a moment to compose herself before entering into the doctors office. He greets her with a wave as she flops down across from him desperately trying not to let her exhaustion show.

“So we ran a couple chest x-rays and some blood tests on Cheryl to see where she’s at. Since her condition seems to be worsening I managed to get results back quickly” he starts out, not wanting to waste time. 

“Worsening? What do you mean? She was fine when I left this morning.” Toni asks frantically 

“She woke up with another coughing fit shortly after you left and it took a while to get her back on track. Her fever and pain level has also increased. We will obviously continue to monitor her but may have to hook her back up to an oxygen machine.” He replies cooly.

It takes everything in Toni not to bolt out of her chair and back to Cheryl. To hold her and tell her she’s going to be okay and that Toni isn’t going anywhere. She takes a deep breath and nods her head. “So what’s happening? Have you diagnosed her?” 

“From what the results show I believe she has an extremely severe case of pneumonia. I’d like to get on top of treatment right away so the condition doesn’t amplify.” 

“How.. she was only under for a couple minutes... they said it was only a couple minutes...” Toni mumbles half to herself and not expecting the doctor to hear.

“That may be so” he responds and Toni looks up. “But her body didn’t have the time to prepare and a couple minutes can mean the difference between life and death.” 

Life and death... the words echo in Toni’s mind. She sits in silence for a moment not knowing what to say. She can’t help the crushing feeling that’s bearing down upon her with each passing moment. 

“Her sickness was most likely caused by a bacterial infection she gained from the water. We’re going to start by injecting antibiotics into her bloodstream and go from there. We may need to administrate drugs directly to her lungs depending on how she reacts” the doctor continues. 

“Do you know what exactly caused the infection?” Toni asks, her gaze shifts to Cheryl’s open file on the desk. 

“That’s something we are still looking into, I’ve taken a fluid sample from her and hopefully we can get to the bottom of this. My best guess is she’ll be here for maybe a week. You’re free to go see her but she’s likely very exhausted” the doctor leans back in his chair letting out a sigh. Toni thanks the doctor and finds her way back to Cheryl’s room, she’s surprised to see her awake when she walks in. Her arm is hooked up to and IV with some sort of liquid dropping in which Toni takes to be the antibiotics the doctor mentioned.

“Hey babygirl” She says gently as she walks over to her side. “How come you’re still up? Those tests must have exhausted you” 

“I can’t sleep..” Cheryl mumbles, turning her head to make eye contact with Toni. “I’m in so much pain baby...” Cheryl shifts slightly in bed trying to get comfortable and a small whimper leaves her lips. Toni swears she feels her heart drop, knowing Cheryl is in so much pain and not being able to fix it is tearing her apart. 

“How can I help?” Toni asks gently as she reaches to cup Cheryl’s cheek and run her thumb against her temple. Cheryl immediately leans into the touch and a slight smile pulls at her lips. She shrugs her shoulders in response to Toni’s question. Toni’s eyes roam the room and the section of hallway she can see from her position. She only hesitates for a moment before kicking off her boots and crawling in to the small space beside Cheryl. She wraps her arms around the taller girl and helps her shift over slightly to give Toni more room. When they’re settled Cheryl’s head comes to rest on Toni’s shoulder and she curls into her curve of her neck. A soft thank you falls from her lips as her body almost melts against Toni’s. As Toni presses a kiss to Cheryl’s head she can feel her own body relax slightly for the first time since she got the call from Jughead. Toni soothes away Cheryl’s soft whimpers and strokes her hair in attempt to help her fall asleep and get the much needed rest her body craves. “I love you so much” Toni whispers gently. 

“I love you too” Cheryl replies softly, she coughs harshly and lets out a quiet whimper of pain. Toni holds her a little tighter and presses another kiss to her forehead noticing it’s still hot to the touch. Toni’s lays her chin against Cheryl’s head and starts humming the tune to a song. She feels Cheryl smile against her skin. 

“I see you shine and the dark disappears...” she sings in a gentle voice trying to coax Cheryl into sleep. She continues the song in a soft voice and rubs Cheryl’s back. Eventually Cheryl’s body relaxes against Toni and her breathing deepens as she drifts off. Toni stays pressed to Cheryl knowing the ache in her will grow if she’s not in her arms. She holds her close and prays to whoever or whatever is out there that her girl recovers quickly and can be safe at home with her soon.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a forwarning that this chapter deals with a lot of heavy content such as suicidal/depressive thoughts so please take care reading it !!

In reality Toni knew she would never be able to spend every moment at the hospital with Cheryl. But going back to school without her feels like a betrayal, and it’s not like she’s paying attention or retaining any information anyways. The teacher is rambling on about so and so invading such and such and Toni could honestly care less. When the bell rings signalling lunch Toni sighs in relief and shuffles her way through the crowd until she reaches her locker. She’s so zoned out she doesn’t hear Veronica call her name until the third time. 

“Hmm?” Toni says turning her attention to the raven haired girl. 

“Welcome back to the present! I was just wondering if you could pop in to vixens practice quickly after school? I need to run something by you” Veronica asks tentatively. 

“Jughead needs me for the serpent meeting and then Chery-“

Veronica cuts her off before she can finish her sentence “I know, but it’ll only take five minutes tops. The Vixens and I have been working on new set for the game and I want to make sure I have everything on track. You know Cheryl better than anyone and know what she’d expect.” 

Toni lets out a sigh and nods slowly. “Okay yeah, I can do my best. But try not to fret so much, she’s just going to be thankful for your hard work.” Veronica smiles at Toni and thanks her before heading off to meet up Archie and the others no doubt. When Toni turns around she just about smacks right into SweetPea, she stops abruptly causing her sneakers to squeak on the floor. She folds her arms over her chest and gives him a disapproving look.

“Topaz!!” He says reaching down to entrap her in a tight bear hug. “Good to have you back.” 

“I wish I was glad to be back but I hate leaving Cheryl alone.” She responds, her words muffled against SweetPea’s body. 

“Mmm, speaking of Miss Blossom herself... when were you gonna tell me?” SweetPea asks as he pulls back to look at Toni, his face is all seriousness. 

“Tell you...?” 

“The real reason she wound up in the hospital, a little birdy may have let it slip.” SweetPea’s eyes are full of concern and Toni has to look away to keep herself together. 

“A certain blonde haired birdy?” Toni speculates already knowing the answer.

“The one and only.” SweetPea sighs lightly before reaching to lay a hand on Toni’s shoulder. “How’s your girl doing though?” 

“I don’t know. She was rushed into surgery the other day and they say she’s healing well but I’m worried.” Toni pauses for a moment before looking back up at her best friend. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I couldn’t bare to say it out loud. I feel like it’s my fault. I should have been there, seen the signs... something...”

“Woah woah woah. Back it up there. I’m am not going to let you stand here and blame yourself and neither would Cheryl. This isn’t on you it’s-”

“It’s what? Cheryl’s fault? Fuck SweetPea.” Toni has to fight to keep her words at a respectable volume. She turns away from him and busies herself searching her locker. 

“That’s not what-“ 

“Just leave me alone” Toni says cutting him off, her voice is trembling and she’s fighting to keep her tears in. 

“Toni come here” he says moving closer to pull her in. She rests against him, her anger already fading. “It’s no one fault. Shit just happens. We all know how much you love her”

“I hope she knows too” Toni responds, despite her best efforts tears are streaming down her face at a fast pace. 

“She does, I promise you.” He reassures her. Toni nods in response as she clings to her best friend. “C’mon lets skip third and take a longer lunch” 

“I haven’t been at school for days and you’re suggesting I skip another class?” Toni questions as she pulls away to gather her bag and wipe her tears away.

“Nice try but I know you weren’t paying attention anyways” SweetPea says, closing Toni’s locker and starting down the hallway. She couldn’t argue with that, besides what was one more class? Cheryl was always the one keeping Toni on track with going to her classes but there was nothing stopping her right now. She feels her heart tug slightly at the thought but then finds herself practically running down the hallway to catch up with SweetPea and Fangs who had joined him.  
-  
“So we’re sending home some antibiotics that will help the healing after the surgery” the doctor tells Toni as he hands her the release papers for Cheryl.

“What if she’s in pain?” Toni questions.

“She can take any regular painkillers like Advil”. Toni nods in response and takes the papers from his outstretched hand. The last week has been hell, between the serpents and school and Cheryl being in the hospital she hasn’t had a moment to breathe. Cheryl had been stable for the most part until suddenly her lungs had filled with fluid and she couldn’t breathe. They’d rushed her to surgery immediately while Toni sat in the hard plastic chairs of the waiting room praying once again that her girl would be okay. Atleast now Cheryl is back on track and coming back to the safety of their home. When Toni walks back to the room Cheryl is already lacing up her shoes and has her things packed and neatly stacked. She lifts her head when Toni walks in and a smile brightens her face. 

“You ready?” Toni asks as she walks over to the bed and starts gathering Cheryl’s belongings in her arms. 

“Hell yeah, get me out of here” Cheryl responds helping Toni pick up her things. 

“Good, it’s been lonely without you” Toni says, she leans over to press a gentle kiss to Cheryl’s lips. 

Cheryl smiles against her and then leans back over the bed to grab the bright pink bear Toni bought her a few days ago from the gift shop. “Better not forget my little Strawberry” 

“Strawberry?? I bought you the cutest damn bear in that store and you have the decency to call it Strawberry?” Toni questions

“I happen to think it’s a cute name!” Cheryl huffs in response. 

“Right, remind me not to let you name our kids yeah?” Toni retorts as she leads the way out of the hospital room. 

“Hey!! Take that back” Cheryl says as she lands a light smack to the other girl’s arm. Toni laughs lightly and shifts the items in her arms to one side so she can wrap an arm around Cheryl’s waist. The two girls walk side by side through the hallways of the hospital and out into the parking lot.  
-  
“I’m going to take a shower” Cheryl says the second the duo step into their home. Toni laughs lightly as she sets Cheryl’s things on the table. 

“I’ll be here if you need anything babe” Toni responds, leaning over to give Cheryl a light kiss. Cheryl grabs onto Toni’s jacket pulling her closer by the leather. 

“Oor, you can come with?” Cheryl questions as she connects their lips once again. Toni moans softly against her lips and then grabs Cheryl by the hand to pull her into the bathroom.

When the two step into the hot water Cheryl’s arms encircle Toni immediately and she lays her chin on top of the shorter girl’s shoulder. They stay entwined and let the hot water roll over their bodies. When Toni pulls away to grab the shampoo and wash Cheryl’s hair for her she doesn’t protest. The feeling of Toni’s fingers running through her hair and massaging her scalp causes Cheryl’s eyes to flutter shut and she hums happily. She doesn’t ever want to leave this spot, Toni’s hands rubbing body wash over her is the best feeling she’s had in weeks. She loses herself in her thoughts and starts to think that maybe just maybe things will be okay. That she’ll be okay. And happy. But then the water is turning cold and Toni is asking her if she wants to watch a show on Netflix and Cheryl is jolted back to reality. She nods her head and lets Toni wrap a freshly washed towel around her body before leading her back to their bedroom.  
-  
When the episode ends and Netflix redirects them back to the main page Toni yawns and stretches her arms above her head. “Should we watch another episode?” She questions. When she doesn’t get a reply she turns her head to look at the other girl. “Cher?” She prompts but is greeted with more silence “Everything okay?”

“I’m sorry” Cheryl says, refusing to make eye contact with Toni. 

“Why would you ever be sorry?” Toni asks as she tugs Cheryl’s body a little closer to her’s. 

“I’m sorry that I tried to leave. But I.. I just wanted to disappear, and I wanted to believe there would be no consequences for that.” her voice cracks on the word disappear and Toni can hear the shaking laced in her words. 

“Cheryl, that’s not something you have to apologize for. I’m just glad you’re safe” 

“Toni I.. I don’t want to... be here anymore. And maybe I should be glad I was saved but I can’t help but think maybe I wasn’t meant to be.” the words tumble out before she can stop them and Toni freezes for a moment beside her. It’s not like Toni expected Cheryl to be thankful for being alive and just move on, but hearing the words directly from her causes a pain she didn’t know was possible. Toni takes a moment to steady herself before she speaks.

“Cheryl I truly mean it when I say that this world would not be the same without you in it. And I thank whatever higher power there is every day that Veronica and the others were there to save you.” Toni responds, her whole body aches and she wishes she could take away all of Cheryl’s pain. Cheryl doesn’t respond she just looks over at Toni before crawling into her lap and curling as close as she can. The tears start before she can do anything about them. Toni’s arms instantly wrap around her to hold Cheryl to her chest.

“Sometimes I feel like I’m falling down a rabbit hole and eventually I’m going to hit rock bottom..” Cheryl says against Toni’s chest.

“I’m not going to let that happen. I’m never going to leave you alone again.” Toni responds firmly. 

“I don’t feel like I’m enough, I don’t feel like I’m worth it”

“Cheryl you are more than enough. Even when you don’t feel it. Especially then. I am so goddamn thankful you walked into my life when you did because you have made me the happiest person alive. You are worth a thousand fucking times any amount you can imagine. And you should be proud of yourself for everything you’ve been through because I know that I am”

“I just feel so fucking broken” Cheryl says. Toni wraps her arms tighter around Cheryl feeling her heart ache and just wanting to hold her girl as close as possible. 

“That doesn’t discredit all the strength I know you have in you” Toni responds and then presses a kiss to her head. 

Cheryl closes her eyes and starts to sob against Toni, everything in her feeling like it’s about to shatter. “I.. can’t do th.. this.” She chokes out between sobs. 

“You can, I know you can” Toni reassures her. Cheryl shifts so that she can wrap her legs around Toni’s waist to pull herself closer. Her sobs start to increase in intensity and soon Cheryl is practically wailing against the shorter girl. “I know, I know...” Toni mumbles soothingly as she starts to stroke Cheryl’s hair. 

“I want to die. I wish I didn’t but I want to fucking die” Cheryl sobs against the other girl. Toni’s eyes are welling up with tears and soon they’re spilling down her cheeks as she desperately tries to calm her girl down. After a bit she decides maybe it’s best just to let Cheryl cry it all out and she tries to tighten her arms as much as possible around her. Toni rocks their bodies together gently as Cheryl sobs against her, the redhead’s tears starting to soak her shirt. With Toni’s hand pressed to Cheryl’s bare back she can feel every inch of her vibrating from how hard she’s shaking. 

“Baby it’s okay, I’m here. I’m right here” she says through her tears in attempt to soothe Cheryl a little. Cheryl’s breathing starts to get harder and soon she’s gasping for breath against Toni. By this point in their relationship Toni had worked Cheryl through multiple breakdowns and knew the ins and outs of how to calm her. This was more intense than anything she had helped Cheryl through but she figures trying what she knows is worth a short. 

“Cher... do you need me to lay on you? Would that help?” Toni asks knowing that sometimes Cheryl just needed weight on her to help calm down. She feels Cheryl nod against her and Toni steadies one hand on Cheryl’s head and the other on her back before flipping them over with ease. They make eye contact for a second and Cheryl whimpers when she see’s the tears building in Toni’s eyes and tumbling down her cheeks. Toni breaks eye contact to lower her body on to Cheryl’s. She presses as much weight as possible on to her girl in attempt to calm her sobs. Cheryl’s body relaxes with the extra weight and she tries to let the rest of herself calm down. But with all the thoughts running through her head it doesn’t take her long to get worked up again. When Cheryl’s breathing starts to heighten again Toni runs her hand up and down the other girl’s arm trying to soothe her. The redhead is too worked up though and sobs are still shaking her body. Toni props herself up on her elbows so she’s able to look down at Cheryl. 

“Baby, please tell me what I can do” Toni says gently. Cheryl looks like she’s in so much pain and it’s taking everything in Toni not to break down along with her. 

“I - I don’t kn.. know” she says, every word that comes from her mouth is shaky and incomplete. “Ev.. everything hurts..” 

Toni reaches down with one hand to push Cheryl’s hair behind her ear and then she leaves her hand pressed to her cheek and strokes it gently. Cheryl closes her eyes unable to look at Toni anymore and a waterfall of tears stream down her cheeks. Toni thinks for a moment and then does the only other thing she knows how to. She leans down and presses her lips against Cheryl’s trying to pour everything she can into it. She hears Cheryl whimper against her and then she’s kissing her back hard. When Toni pulls away to catch her breath another whimper falls from Cheryl’s lips and then she’s pulling Toni closer again and connecting their lips. 

“Your kisses make the pain fade” Cheryl says in a soft voice. Toni shifts her body on the bed so she can wrap an arm around Cheryl’s waist to pull her closer. Cheryl’s kissing her like it’s the only thing anchoring her down and keeping her whole. The redhead’s body aches but the feeling of Toni on top of her and their lips pressed together is starting to ease her pain. Toni’s hands are tangled in her hair pulling her closer and when she slips her tongue into her mouth Cheryl can’t help but let a small moan fall from her lips. Eventually the two have to pull away for air but Cheryl keeps a tight grip on the other girl and mumbles a small thank you. “Baby? Can I just sit on your lap for a bit?” Cheryl questions. Toni doesn’t respond she just moves herself into a sitting position, she pulls Cheryl close to her and presses small kisses to her forehead. The redhead falls silent for a while twirling strands of Toni’s pink hair between her fingers. Cheryl is silent for so long Toni think she’s fallen asleep but then she says something in a quiet voice and Toni prompts her to repeat it louder. 

“I’m so broken...” Cheryl mumbles softly. 

“You can always be mended. You will be, I promise.” Toni says while moving her hand in circles against Cheryl’s back to keep her calm. 

“Toni?” Cheryl says in a small voice. 

“Yeah babe?”

“Everyday feels like a fight... but you... you make me feel like it’s all worth it” 

“Good. You deserve to be here and be happy” Toni says. 

“But why can’t you just let me go?” Cheryl asks from against Toni’s chest. Toni hums softly and runs her hand down Cheryl’s arm so she can link their fingers together. 

“Because I want to be able to hold your hand at 80 and say we made it” Toni responds, she lifts Cheryl’s hand to her mouth and presses gentle kisses against it.

“I’m pretty sure I want to spend forever with you” Cheryl responds as she shifts to press a kiss to Toni’s cheek. “But what if I’m-“

“Don’t even try it bombshell. You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. We’ll get you the help you need okay? Find someone for you to talk to, I promise.” Cheryl nods against Toni and curls into her favourite spot between her shoulder and neck. 

“How did I get so lucky to have you?” Cheryl asks in a sleepy voice. 

“Luck of the draw I guess” Toni says shrugging gently. “But I’m pretty sure we all know I’m the lucky one”, she hears Cheryl scoff gently against her and a small smile pulls at her lips and she hushes the other girl.


	5. Chapter 5

“Toni” Cheryl gasps in pain as her eyes fly open. The feeling in her chest that had began as a dull ache in her chest had suddenly increased to a sharp stabbing pain. Her eyes shift to the clock on their bedside table which reads 2:30 AM. Toni is still asleep beside her and when a wave of pain washes through Cheryl’s body she silently curses the fact that her girlfriend is prone to being a heavy sleeper. Cheryl reaches over the bed trying to grab her glass of water but the pain that hits her when she moves is so intense she lets out a loud cry of pain and curls back into herself. “TONI” she practically wails “baby wake up”. Tears are streaming down her face and then the bed is shifting underneath her as Toni bolts upwards.

“Cher oh god. Fuck I’m sorry. What’s wrong?” Toni asks frantically 

“It hurts, is it supposed to hurt this badly?” Cheryl whimpers 

“Show me where love, can you turn this way?” Toni is hovering over Cheryl now trying to figure out where she’s clutching herself in pain. The redhead nods slowly and tries to shift onto her back. The second Cheryl moves her body a new wave of dizzying pain hits her and then she’s crying out loudly again. Concern crosses Toni’s features as she takes in Cheryl’s pain level. “Shh baby shhh” Toni soothes gently as she crawls over Cheryl with care. Toni settles herself in the small area beside Cheryl so she can face her, she leans down and presses a soft kiss to her forehead. When she pulls away she presses her hand to Cheryl’s forehead and cheeks. 

“What?” Cheryl asks quietly. “Fever?” Toni nods in response and then let’s her gaze fall to where Cheryl’s hand is pressed against her chest. 

“Let me see” Toni says reaching to move Cheryl’s hand away and push her shirt up. A stream of curses fall from Toni’s lips when she takes in the sight. When they had done the surgery on Cheryl they inserted a needle into her chest cavity to drain the liquid. The area where they’d done it was supposed to heal fairly quickly but it was all swollen and oddly coloured right now which definitively wasn’t right. Toni reaches to grab her phone and dial in a number. She leans over to gently kiss away the tears rolling down Cheryl’s cheeks as the phone rings in her ear. 

“Toni if this is another one of your drunk ca-“ 

“Pea, get your truck and come over. Quick.” Toni says cutting off his sentence. She hears shuffling on the other end and the sound of keys jingling and then SweetPea is assuring her he’s on his way before the line goes dead. “Baby SweetPea is on his way, you’re gonna be okay” she says gently to Cheryl, Toni runs her hands through Cheryl’s hair to keep her calm. Sweat is building on the redhead’s hairline and Toni pulls the blanket off her in attempt to cool her body. 

SweetPea is standing in their bedroom exactly 12 minutes later and Toni moves from the bed to give him access to Cheryl. SweetPea looks between the two girls before sliding his arms under Cheryl and lifting her with as much care as he can. A small cry of pain falls from her lips causing Toni to rush back to her side. She clutches Cheryl’s hand tightly and soothes her cries.

The group move slowly to the truck and they settle Cheryl in the backseat with her head resting in Toni’s lap. Cheryl clings to Toni’s shirt tightly but let’s eyes flutter shut as she settles into her position. As the truck bounces along the road Toni tries to keep herself calm for Cheryl’s sake but she’s on edge the whole time. Her arms shaking slightly as she moves her focus between Cheryl and the road. SweetPea is switching between driving fast to get to the hospital quickly and driving slowly to avoid the bumps. As soft whimpers start to fall Cheryl’s lips Toni turns her full attention to her girlfriend in order to assure her she’s safe.

“Shh baby I’ve got you, I’ve got you” She soothes gently.

-

“I hate this place” Toni grumbles kicking a chair lightly. She’s been pacing back and forth down the hallway outside the emergency room since Cheryl got rushed back there.

“Toni sit down, breathe” SweetPea says trying to reassure her. He reaches out trying to guide her to a seat but she shrugs him off forcibly. 

“Their entire fucking job is to help her get better and they can’t even do that” Toni’s voice is getting louder now. She kicks the chair with more force and it wobbles slightly before clattering to the ground and sending the nose echoing down the hallway. A nurse looks up from her station clearly startled, Toni tears her gaze away and continues her pacing. The doctor walks by suddenly and Toni is quick to catch up with him and ask how Cheryl is doing. He sighs and turns towards her.

“We’re doing our best. It’s a pretty bad infection but she will be okay” he says sternly and attempts to walk away. 

“Your best? Maybe if you had done your fucking job right the first time we wouldn’t be back here” she snaps at him. 

“Some times these things are out of our control” 

“What the fuck does that mean?” she raises her eyebrows and plants herself in front of him again. 

“Miss Topaz, blaming us is not going to help anything. Now if you’ll excuse me I have patients to get to.” He runs his hand through his hair and steps around Toni. 

“Who do you suppose I blame then?” She calls after him, she see’s him try to shrug off the question and keep walking but then he turns around before taking another step. 

“Last time I checked Cheryl is the one who got herself into this situation.” He retorts and then hurriedly walks down the hallway. Toni stands there in shock at the comment, not sure if she wants to scream or cry more. She makes eye contact with SweetPea before turning on her heel and walking out the door. It slams behind her and SweetPea lets out a sigh before settling back into his chair.

It seems like hours pass before SweetPea hears a familiar voice calling his name. He looks up and see’s Veronica striding toward him, her eyes full of concern. 

“You came” he says as he straightens up in his seat. 

“Of course” Veronica replies. “What happened? Why’s Cheryl back here?” 

“Some infection from the surgery they did, nobody has told me anything though”

Veronica nods and looks up and down the hallway before turning her attention back towards SweetPea “Toni..?”

“Is currently missing... stormed out of here after a run in with the doctor. I wanted to go find her but I couldn’t leave Cheryl and so I figured if-“ 

“I’ll find her” Veronica says interrupting the serpent. “Stay here in case Cheryl wakes up okay? I’ll find Toni”

“Oh okay yeah, keep me updated” he says indicating his phone. Veronica nods and is gone just as quickly as she arrived. 

-

SweetPea drifts in and out of sleep for the next two hours before a nurse enters the waiting room asking for an Antoinette Topaz. The serpent sits up in his chair suddenly, trying to shake the sleep from his body. 

“She went out for a minute but I’m here for Cheryl while she’s gone.” SweetPea says as he stands up and strides over to the nurse. She looks up from her clipboard and nods. 

“Okay well I can fill Antoinette in when she arrives. But for now Cheryl is just down the hall first room on the right if you’d like to see her”

When he enters the small hospital room nestled right where the nurse says he’s surprised to see a small smile form on Cheryl’s face. She waves at him as he walks closer to her bedside.

“Surprised I didn’t scare you away” she says to him.

“Gonna take more than this to shake me bombshell. Contrary to popular belief I may actually be becoming fond of you.

“I’ve heard I have that effect on people” Cheryl replies, earning a laugh from Sweetpea. She looks around the room and tries to see down the hallway past the serpent. “Toni...” she says gently.

SweetPea sighs and pulls up a chair to sit beside Cheryl. “She stormed off after a run in with the doctor” 

Cheryl turns her attention back to the boy in front of her and laughs lightly “sounds like my girl” a moment of silence passes between the two before SweetPea coughs and clears his throat.

“I’m really glad she found you” SweetPea says as he shifts in his seat to a more comfortable position. Cheryl tilts her head slightly in confusion. “Toni’s always thrown herself into trouble. She’s always wanting to fight back. Which don’t get me wrong I admire about her. But she used to throw herself into situations so blindly i worried she would get into serious trouble or end up dead.” he’s silent for a moment using the time to make eye contact with the redhead. “But since you she’s been more careful. She’s always prepared before going into a situation, she thinks it through first... I - I guess I’m just trying to say thanks for giving her a purpose.” 

“And I always thought she was the one who saved me” Cheryl says in a quiet voice. 

“In a way you saved her too. I’ve known Toni for years, we grew up together you know? And I have never once seen her look at someone the way she looks at you.” SweetPea says, holding her gaze steady. Cheryl looks at the serpent for a moment, really looks at him. She’s not used to seeing this side of him, but if she’s being honest with herself she kind of loves it. 

“I guess I’m pretty lucky hey? And thank you... for saying that” 

“It’s just the truth” SweetPea says with a smile. “Toni would drop anything for you, you’ve got her whipped into shape” 

“Oh, you should see her when we’re alone in-“ 

“Ooookay and this conversation is over!!” SweetPea says as he interjects Cheryl’s sentence. “Jeez what is with you two and the sexual innuendos?” 

“Wait what did she say?” Cheryl questions as another laugh falls from her lips. SweetPea stands up from his chair shaking his head. 

“I’m going to find the doctor” he says as he heads towards the door. 

“SWEETPEA !!! Wait ! What did she say?” She calls out after him but he leaves the room still shaking his head.

-  
“Thought I might find you here” Veronica says as she approaches Toni and settles beside her on the ground. Toni hums in response and keeps her eyes focused on the shoreline of Sweetwater River. A few minutes of silence pass, both girls focused on the current of the river peeking out through the thawing ice.

“I failed her, didn’t I?” Toni asks suddenly turning her attention towards the other girl. “I thought I was going to lose her Veronica. And it would have been all my fault because I didn’t.. I didn’t..” she trails off as her voice catches in her throat. 

“Toni...” Veronica says gently.

“It would have been my fault” Toni repeats. “I’m such a fucking idiot” she kicks the heel of her boot against the frozen ground trying to make an indent. She swears under her breath and kicks at the ground again. There are tears streaming down Toni’s cheeks now and her shoulders shake as she sobs silently to herself. And then Veronica is embracing her with warm arms and she’s sobbing against the other girl before she can even really comprehend it. “I could have lost her” she says between sobs. 

“But you didn’t.” Veronica reassures “she fought through for a reason. You’re her everything Toni, absolutely everything” 

“I wasn’t enough...” Toni says as she pulls away from Veronica and focuses her eyes on the frozen ground. 

“After Jason died Cheryl gave up, she truly stopped caring.” Veronica says with a sigh. “She put up even more walls, she shut out the world in attempt to shut out the pain. Cheryl has been through a lot of shit but I’ve never seen her shut down that way before and I’ve known her for years. But you ... Toni you changed that all. Look at the way she smiles when she’s around you, or how her whole body becomes less tense. She gets literal heart eyes when she see’s you. You’ve brought out the other side of her. The side that wants to give and take love and that’s the Cheryl I know. I truly believe she fought through in the hospital for you.”

“You really mean that?” Toni asks in an almost whisper.

“Of course I do. You’ve brought back her light Toni, and that’s everything” Veronica replies as she rubs Toni’s shoulder soothingly. 

-

Toni turns her head around as soon as she hears the sound of a car pulling up and the door slamming. She stands up as she see’s SweetPea steadying Cheryl’s body against his and making his way over to Toni and Veronica. 

“Baby” Toni says as the rushes over to them. “I didn’t realize I was gone so long I’m so sorry” she pulls Cheryl against her in a tight embrace and breathes in her familiar scent. 

“Pea said you were here, I missed you” Cheryl mumbles gently against the shorter girl. Toni nods against her not able to find the right words, she watches from over Cheryl’s shoulder as SweetPea starts towards them again holding a heavy blanket. 

“Call me when you need a ride okay?” He says gently as Toni takes the blanket from him. She nods and gives him a grateful smile as he turns back to his truck and drives away with Veronica in the passenger seat. Toni shifts Cheryl’s weight against her own body and helps her over to a bench along the edge of the river. The pair settle on the bench with Cheryl curled against Toni’s shoulder and the blanket wrapped tightly around their embraced bodies. Cheryl whimpers slightly and runs her hand down Toni’s arm until she can tangle their fingers together. Toni’s arm snakes around Cheryl’s waist to pull them closer together, she strokes her side gently and lets the redhead relax against her. Their eyes focus on the distance and they fall into a comfortable silence lost in their own thoughts. 

“This place used to be a happy one, now it just terrifies me. Too many endings or- almost endings” Cheryl says breaking the silence. 

“But what if it can be a place of beginnings too?” Toni replies softly as she moves to run her hand through Cheryl’s long red hair. Cheryl shifts against her and looks up into Toni’s eyes with a questioning look.

“How so?” She asks softly. The brunette smiles widely and then shifts against Cheryl to reach into her pocket. She pulls out a small black box and flips to open to reveal a small ring with diamonds along the outside. Cheryl sits up as a smile broadens her face. 

“This is how” Toni says as she returns the smile. She turns the box so Cheryl can get a better look at it. 

“A promise ring” the couple says almost exactly in sync. 

“How did you even...” Cheryl says, she trails off as she catches the ring sparkling in the little sunlight there is. 

“I am a woman of many wonders miss Blossom” Toni laughs lightly and watches as Cheryl admires the ring. 

“You never fail to amaze me Topaz” Cheryl replies, she lifts her eyes and catches Toni’s deep brown ones with her own. 

“Cheryl Blossom” Toni says gently as she lifts the ring from the box and holds it out towards Cheryl. “I promise to stand by your side forever and to help you get through this pain you’re feeling right now. I promise I’ll wipe away all your tears and hold you tight through long nights. I promise to find you all the support you need to feel like yourself again. I promise to remind you each and every day that you are loved and worthy. I promise to love you with every bone in my body. And I promise that one day this will be a wedding ring I’m putting on your finger” Toni’s voice is shaking by the end in attempt to hold back her tears. When she slides the ring onto Cheryl’s finger though they spill over her cheeks. Cheryl’s lips are on Toni’s instantly, Toni grabs Cheryl’s face to pull her closer and feels the wetness coating them. Their tears spill over each other’s hands as the kiss deepens. Toni hesitantly pulls back to catch her breath and Cheryl falls to her chest sobbing violently.

“I love you more than anything in this whole fucking world” Cheryl sobs against Toni, her whole body shaking. “I don’t deserve you” 

“You do though babygirl you do.” Toni soothes gently as she pulls Cheryl onto her lap to hold her closer. “I love you more than you can even begin to imagine” Their lips connect again and Toni is moaning into the kiss as Cheryl pours all her emotions into it. They break apart in short intervals before connecting their lips again and again, the heat between them aids in keeping them warm in the winter weather. 

“You deserve the world” Toni says breathlessly when they finally break apart. 

“You are my world” Cheryl responds as she rests her head against Toni’s. Her heart is beating a mile a minute but for right now everything seems okay. For right now she’s not the broken girl who wanted to end her life. And for right now, that’s enough.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you all for reading this!! It’s one of my first fics so I hope it’s not too bad haha :)


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